On being Cana-British

I've been struggling for a while now to sort out my national identity. I'm a dual citizen with 26 years of life experience in Canada, 15 months of life experience in Britain. So much of who I am has been shaped by those first 26 years, and yet I'm happily settled here and feel more and more like a local every day. I actively avoid referring to Canada as "home." I feel strongly that this is my home now, but part of me feels like a traitor because of it. And I don't really identify with the term "ex-pat" anymore. So am I Canadian or am I British? The truth is that I'm both. I am a hyphen.

British-Canadian rolls right off the tongue, but that's not what I am. That would imply that I had been born British and become Canadian. Canadian-British? Just doesn't sound right. And so, I have finally settled on my own made up term...

I am a Cana-Brit, and proud of it.

Why I love London: Reason #42

People often compliment me on the courage and determination it must have taken to move across the ocean. I never quite know how to respond to this, because as far as I'm concerned, moving here was no act of courage at all. It actually would have been a much greater struggle for me to stay put. I moved here, quite simply, to scratch my interminably itchy feet.

I come from a long line of wanderers. You don't have to look far to see it: my family is spread far and wide, and my mother alone has lived across (and holds citizenship in) three countries. Look a little further down my family tree and you'll find explorers, pioneers, Vikings, and conquerors. You'd be hard-pressed to find a European country that isn't somehow involved in my lineage.

I'm also hugely interested in everything relating to human behaviour and the mind. I love travelling to new places because there's very little that excites me more than experiencing, for the first time, where and how a group of people live. But of course, sampling a culture for a few precious days isn't the same as becoming a part of it. Here in London, I'm perfectly placed to be involved in both the breadth and depth of anthropological observation.

Not only am I living in a new country and within easy reach of dozens more, but London itself is a pretty reasonable microcosm of the globe. With over 300 languages regularly spoken here, and nearly 30% of its population having been born outside the UK, London is one of the most multi-cultural and cosmopolitan cities in the world. It's impossible to escape the beautiful array of accents, colours, and flavours, and nearly every street and alley I step into in London feels like a different reality. It's mind-boggling just how much diversity there is here.

And that's part of what's making my next move (a much smaller one this time) so exciting. South London is even more multi-ethnic than the city centre, and among the neighbourhood pubs (Hermits Cave! What a brilliant name!) are restaurants specialising in Bengali, Nigerian, Eritrean, and countless other lesser-known cuisines from around the world. Not to mention a highly-rated Spanish tapas bar, so I can get my taste of Spain after all.

Cake: I am having you. And eating you too.

London in Autumn

From the time I was a small child, I've been told the natural order of autumn leaves is for them to first change colours, then fall to the ground. But in London, this "law" of nature is only obeyed sporadically.


The majority of trees here go directly from green to barren. At first I thought the leaves, once turned, must fall right away... but then I started noticing an abundance of fallen, dried, green leaves. It's messing with my head! And is a little bit sad too; I feel as though I'm missing out on one of the best parts of autumn.

Another of the best parts is Halloween--a holiday mentioned only cautiously and with disdain in this part of the world. Several of my English friends have speculated it's because people here still associate the festival with its controversial past. Others have noted it serves mainly as an excuse for rebellious British youth to make mischief. But I, for one, think it's a crying shame.

That's why I was overjoyed when I was asked to carve a pumpkin with the children at school on Wednesday. I even got to roast the seeds! I was on a high from it the entire day, and I think I might buy another pumpkin and do it all again.

Ironically, despite the lack of qualities that have traditionally reminded me that this is a great season, I'm actually enjoying autumn a lot more than I have in many, many years. I've always found it difficult to enjoy the present when it serves as a constant reminder that the days are getting shorter and colder, and that soon we'll be plunged into the depths of winter (my most despised time of the year). But although my first British winter was hard on me, I think its relatively short lifespan coupled with a long, hot summer (I managed to be in India, Spain, Hawaii, England, and Canada at all the right times to maximize the heat) have made me much readier for winter this time around. We'll see how I feel about it in a month or two, but so far I'm doing ok.

In the meantime, we've arrived at our first break of the school year. I had hoped to spend this time in Italy, but unfortunately circumstances conspired against it. Instead, I'll be messing around with recipes, working on creative projects, and preparing to move. Yes, you read that right, I'm moving next month! Not to Spain, but to Camberwell--a charming area of South London only a 15 minute walk from my school. I'll be living in a lovely Victorian townhouse with four other really cool people. I think it'll be good for me.

Sometimes the road less travelled is the best way to go

One by one, some of my fellow Canadians teaching in London are revealing that they feel as though they're putting their lives on hold or even regressing by being here. They watch from afar as their friends back home are reaching new milestones--graduations, marriages, babies, home ownerships--and are judging the progress of their own lives by the same yardstick.

I can relate to that feeling, but from a completely different context. I graduated from high school two years early and was on a path to earn 5 degrees by the time I turned 25. I'm about to turn 27 now and I only have one degree that I just earned last spring. On my way to getting there, I felt pathetic about my measly progress as I watched what seemed like my entire high school cohort (and several cohorts behind me) go on to earn their postgraduate degrees.

But now that my BA is proudly hanging on my wall, I see things a little differently. I realize now that the path I took made me who I am today. I have a wealth of real world experiences that I never would have encountered in school. And I have training in other areas that were never on the original plan. Inadvertently, I am now better prepared for the things I want to do with the rest of my life than I ever could have hoped, otherwise.

I suppose I don't feel the same way about being here because living abroad has always been part of my life plan. I spent years filled with envy of the people I knew who were travelling the world. I feel as though I've accomplished a great deal by coming here (although I feel that I still haven't travelled enough). There's still so much more for me to do, but owning a home doesn't even come close to being on that list.

I have a plan for the future, and another year of travelling and gaining experience in London schools is step number 1. Those are the most important things for me to be doing right now, and I feel sure that the future will thank me for it.

There's something that's been bothering me...

British people tend to say, "I've got," rather than, "I have." Even I've taken to saying it with disturbing frequency. It seems fundamentally wrong to me on a number of levels; but since even the most highly educated people in England seem to use it, I finally decided to find out whether it is considered to be grammatically correct.

A quick Google search revealed that the answer to that is under continual debate. Some grammarians consider it to be incorrect usage, some consider it to be the only correct usage, and most (it seems) consider both forms to be correct. Though I am but an amateur grammarian, I remain firmly planted in the first camp.

Here's why:
1. Have got is redundant and unnecessary.
2. Have is in the present tense, whereas got is in the past tense.
3. To have is passive, whereas to get is active.

On that last point, I believe I have gotten is correct where the emphasis is on the action of getting rather than condition of having. In that case, it is akin to passé composé (i.e. "j'ai eu").

Note, however, that I used gotten rather than got. Apparently this is also a point of contention, with the British preferring got as the past tense of get. I can only understand this if it is being used on its own, without the auxiliary have (i.e. "I got this for you"). "I've got this for you," just sounds wrong but, "I've gotten this for you," is perfectly fine. "I gotten this for you," is also wrong.

Maybe I'm just biased toward what I always heard growing up, but sometimes I feel as though (well educated) North Americans speak better English than the English do. Still, I fear this will be a losing battle. My cadence, phrasing, vocabulary, and vowel sounds are rapidly shifting to become more British. I can't help it.

I just hope I never forsake my Ts and Rs.

Confessions of a summerholic

I have a deep, dark secret to confess.

I hate winter (no, that's not the secret... everyone who's ever been within a 20 mile radius of me knows that). I hate winter and I hate snow. I have declared, on many occasions and with vehement passion, that I hope to never see snow again. It's not pretty and it's not fun; it's cold and boring and a pain in the arse. That's truly how I feel about it.

But... do you remember the way you felt the first year after you finished school, around the start of the year and then again around exam time? How it felt completely weird to not be going through that? And then you'd start hallucinating that it was actually fun to study for exams and that you missed it?

That's kind of what it's like right now for me and snow.

The Outsider

Being an expat is a crazy experience. Until now, I've taken it for granted that I belonged to the culture in which I lived. Here, I am an outsider.

You probably wouldn't know it to look at me; I've taken great care to adopt the local norms and customs, and everything about my appearance (most days) screams, "Londoner." But you'd know it the moment I opened my mouth. And more importantly, I'd know it.

British and Canadian culture aren't wildly different, of course. I could have easily picked a more extreme leap, say to Korea or Russia or Zimbabwe or something. But they're different in many small, subtle ways, and those subtle differences eventually add up. I'm beginning to realize that the people who surround me every day have all grown up in a very different reality than I have, and that their common experiences bond them together while segregating me. I can find and create my own common experiences with people here, but it requires concerted effort.

I came here claiming that I wanted to land a man with a hot British accent. Instead, I've landed myself a wonderful American man. It's amazing how much his accent soothes me, and how much it matters to me that we both grew up on the same continent. I never would have thought that would be relevant to me at all, but there's so much that we share that's different from everyone else around us. Things I never would have noticed or cared about if we'd met across the pond (although I would have noticed all his other amazing qualities).

I wouldn't say I'm homesick yet, but I would say I'm learning more and more to appreciate where I come from. I'm fortunate that I get to live here and experience this new place... I'm even more fortunate that I can hold onto little pieces of home.

I miss my babies!

I can't sleep (thank you, illness), so now's as good a time as any to write in the blog!

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life back in Canada. Specifically, the best part of my life back in Canada: coaching the Rhythm Blasters (one of many awesome Swing Dynamite performance teams).

The Rhythm Blasters started out as a bit of a pet project, undertaken by me and my greatly-missed dance partner Olivier. Originally, it was a team specifically for newer dancers (most of whom had been dancing a few months when they joined)... but over time, the focus shifted to being a team for dancers who wanted to work in a relatively relaxed setting (compared to the ultra-intense TNTeam). It is no exaggeration for me to say that I was (and am) deeply, deeply fond of the Rhythm Blasters. They're my babies. I watched them grow, and I've shed many tears of pride in their name.

Here they are with their first routine at the 2008 Canadian Swing Championships (a few months after their incarnation):



And here they are again, a year later, with a much more difficult choreography (the run at CSC was cleaner, but is sadly not on YouTube):



It is good to know that in my absence, they are still going strong. A large number of new couples are currently going through the "bootcamp" process (an intermediary step before officially joining the team), including a whole bunch of awesome folks I was really hoping would join. Still, I can't help but feel a little (ok, a lot) sad that I can't be there with them. If there had been one thing that could have kept me planted in Ottawa, the Rhythm Blasters would have been it.

I hope I never forget how truly blessed I am to have worked with such a fun, positive, hard-working, and talented group of people. RBs, I miss you! I know you will continue to make me proud.

Homesick? Nope

Many of the expatriates around me feel homesick. So far, I am immune. There are a few people I miss, and wish it were easier to keep in touch with them... but I actually feel quite at home in London. There are likely a few reasons for this:

1. I am a nomad at heart
Every few years, I get the itch to pick up and move somewhere. It's actually more difficult for me to stay than it is to go. Must be my viking blood.

2. I am lucky enough to have a far-reaching social network
I have connections with many different types of people in London. The two most important groups for me so far have been folks connected to the dance scene and other people from my agency. I have a good mix of locals, Canadians in the same boat as me, and people from elsewhere who are here for their own reasons. It makes a really big difference.

3. I haven't just left my family
My family is spread far and wide, and both my parents were already living thousands of kilometers away from me (in different directions). I'm used to being on my own, and I'm probably going to see them just as often now as I did before. In fact, my dad will be here next week (and I can't wait!).

4. Ottawa really isn't all that different from London
There are some obvious differences: size, population, accents, fashion sense... but ultimately, the two cities are as similar as cities across the ocean from each other can get.


English-speaking (with some French... Parisians are everywhere here), multicultural, Gothic style capital cities with plenty of festivals, changing of the guard ceremonies, green space, mixed architecture, and a long brown river/canal running through their core. London is really just Ottawa on speed.

5. I've been waiting for this most of my life
I've always wanted to live and travel in Europe; most especially these past few years. I'm also a big city girl at heart. I love the crowds, the fast pace, the diversity, the anonymity, and the bottomless well of possibilities. Besides, there are so many big, beautiful parks here, it's easy to step into one and completely forget you're in the middle of a bustling city.

I do miss coaching my dance team, having a car when I need it (though not driving it or the hassle that goes with owning one), and coffee/adventures with my Ottawa friends. I miss Quebecois French and Montreal bagels and poutine and proper sized fridges and Jane's Meal Maker chicken. But this is my home now, and I embrace its inexpensive yet tasty cheeses, snowless winters, funny police hats, winding streets, and hot-as-sin metro system.

I like London. And so far, London seems to like me.

Leaving Home

I have quite a bit of blogging to catch up on, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to present it all to you in a lump sum of entries.

The hardest part of moving to London has most definitely been having to say goodbye to my life and friends in Ottawa.



Over the past three to four years, I've formed deeper relationships with people than I ever have at any other point in my life. These people have had a profound effect on me... for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health.

But while it has been difficult to say goodbye, my leaving has also brought us closer together. Ruined friendships were rekindled. Opportunities were seized. Moments were shared.

Sometimes, I think, saying goodbye is the only way to say hello.

Panic!!

I'm leaving tomorrow and I'm not ready... physically or emotionally. My way of dealing with it is sitting here at the computer, not packing. How did the date sneak up on me so fast?

Ok, it's time to focus. I'm going to go for a walk and then get to work. And breathe. Must remember to breathe.

This is it

In T - 5 days, at approximately this time, I'll be saying goodbye to Canada. Many people have asked me to keep them updated on my adventures, and I figured a blog would be the most efficient way of doing that. So here it is. Sign up as a follower or catch my links on Facebook.