A nine year anniversary

Nine years ago, in January of 2002, my love affair with exercise began.

I'd been rather active as a young child (I danced, played soccer, and did synchronized swimming), but at some point, it all stopped. I began loathing exercise and doing everything in my power to avoid doing it.

I went from this...

To this...

I won't go into all the painful details, but suffice it to say that body image is something I've struggled with a lot.

And it only got worse when I got to university. We've all heard of the Freshman 15... well, for me it was the Freshman 50. I was so freaked out by the number on the scale when I finally stepped on one in the middle of my 2nd year, I made the most important new year's resolution of my life right then and there: I was going to take up exercise.

And I wasn't kidding! For the next year and a half, I worked out nearly every single day. It got to the point where I was regularly spending 2.5 hours at a time sweating it out in the gym. I lost 70 lbs. I was in the best condition of my life. And more importantly, I was enjoying it. Exercise felt really good.

There are some more painful details that I'll skip over, but my relationship with exercise has been on again/off again ever since. There was a brief period a couple of years ago when I decided to devote 100% of my energy to fitness and nutrition (and I really mean 100% -- I was doing it in lieu of having a job) and I got back pretty much to where I'd been a few years before. But eventually, I had to start work again and it all began to slide away. My only saving grace was my night job as a dancer.

Enter Europe. Most people lose weight when they come to Europe. After all, this is the land of healthier food and more active lifestyles. But for me, hoofing it a couple of miles and trudging up the Underground steps as part of my daily commute weren't boosting my activity levels at all. Because of money, distance, and timing, I'd basically given up the one consistent factor keeping me happy and healthy for the previous 6 years. I went from dancing 5-7 days a week to dancing once every couple of months. I gained 30 lbs... and lost a lot of my will to do anything.

Now, I don't earn a lot of money as a TA and gym memberships in London aren't cheap. I eventually sucked it up and started dishing out £50/month for the Central YMCA, but had such a horrible experience that I demanded to be let out of my contract shortly thereafter. I danced a lot when I returned to Canada this summer, but that was destined to be short-lived. The decision I made in September to start treating myself better did result in a few dropped pounds, but something else still had to be done. Thankfully, when I moved to my new house in Camberwell, the answer came: Peckham Pulse is conveniently located right along my daily route and, thanks to the school where I'm working, I got a pretty decent rate.

I had my first workout there today. The people were friendly and the machines were pretty sweet (I can play movies from my iPod or USB stick on my personal cardio screen!), but the best part of all was how I felt when I finished: alive.

I'm not making any resolutions this year, but I am recommitting to this 9 year old relationship. Just like any relationship, it takes work to keep it going... and that work has to be done for the right reasons. The reason I first entered into it isn't the right one for me anymore. Of course I'd like to lose weight and look good and fit into my old clothes again, but that's not enough. Over the years, I've discovered something much more important. Exercise feels good. It makes me want to take life by the reins. It makes me want to climb mountains and shout out from the peaks how very happy I am to be alive.

And it's for that reason I'm going back to the gym at 11 tomorrow morning.

Chasing the blues away

I'm cheating here, because it's past midnight and therefore no longer September 8th... but since I haven't gone to bed yet, I feel entitled to say that I moved to London precisely one year ago. A lot has happened and changed in that time, but one thing is the same as this time last year: the stress of not having a job.

Finding work at the beginning of the school year is a challenge. Schools are still sorting out what they need in terms of long-term positions and daily supply roles are few. I have hope that because I have more experience now, I'll have an easier time landing something long-term. But in the meantime, it is rather stressful. Add to that a few other personal issues, including the fact that I have outgrown my shoebox of a room, and you get a Bryn who is not sleeping properly, not eating properly, experiencing headaches and physical tension, and suffering from miniature panic attacks. Not fun.

I'm doing my best to counteract this by getting out, meeting people, and doing things. Last night, for example, I went out to two dance venues (one WCS, one lindy hop). Had a great time and felt significantly better afterward. Fantastic, so long as I don't think about the money I spent.

My friend Desirée has been great about getting me out, too. I've already met two of her friends (both really interesting people) on two separate occasions this week. On Sunday, we tried to go to a free outdoor theatre thing on the south bank, but it turned out to be children's theatre... and pretty weird children's theatre, at that.


I think they were singing a Lady Gaga song at this point. Anyway, we didn't last long and hightailed it to a pub, where we got to make fun of the terrible trumpet player. Perhaps I should pursue a performance career here if it's that easy to get gigs.

Also on my radar is capoeira. I've been meaning to get back into it for ages but have been kind of afraid. My capoeira sessions at Carleton University were really intense. I was in good shape at the time and still had difficulty walking for days afterward. In any case, I've decided I'm finally going to lay my fears to rest and return to capoeira tomorrow. I'm quite excited, but once again, I will have to ignore the money being spent. Though it is not much, it adds up quickly when you have a budget of roughly £0 (or actually, negative hundreds of pounds).

But you see, last year, I let my lack of disposable income stand in the way of me doing fun active things. Contrary to most people's experiences, I actually put on a whole bunch of weight after moving to Europe. Not to mention the general feeling of malaise that goes along with dropping your activity level. No. I will not let it happen again, no matter the costs.

Of course, being active doesn't always have to cost money. I'm also doing the two hundred sit-ups challenge. I naturally have pretty good core strength and the programme isn't actually that difficult for me, but it is useful for making me do regular core workouts. I just finished 184 crunches and it feels good. I will eventually do the 100 push-ups programme too... but that one intimidates me. I cannot do push-ups. At all. Hopefully a few weeks of capoeira will help prime my upper body strength, though, and make it more manageable.

As for more free things that get me doing stuff, this coming weekend is The Thames Festival (one of the big highlights of last year for me). It's totally awesome and doesn't cost a thing! So far nobody has expressed any interest in joining me, so if you're out there and interested, please let me know! Festivals are always much better with company. Here's last year's blog post about it and here are some more pictures (mainly from the fire garden, as it was my favourite part).

South Bank

Free running/parkour

Fire garden




Now that I have a better camera and I'm working on my photography skills (more on that soon), I'm hoping this year's photos will be even better!