I mentioned last time that I'm applying for PGCE programmes. As part of the process, I have to write a personal statement. I'm nervous because all of the resources I've consulted have insisted that competition is fierce and my personal statement is the most important part of my application. So before I submit it to the universities, I'm submitting it to you for your feedback. Please be gentle.
I’ve known since I was thirteen years old that I wanted to become a teacher. It began innocently enough, with a love of helping people and a preference for process over product in the arts. I knew, for example, that I didn’t want to become an actor, but I liked the idea of becoming a drama teacher. When I arrived at university, my eyes were opened to a new possibility: using drama as a tool to teach subjects across the curriculum. From then on, my passion for teaching became unstoppable.
As part of my studies in Drama in Education, I learned how to engage students with different learning styles; how to use games and creative techniques to enhance, support, and direct learning; how to assess students at the beginning, middle, and end of a process; how to structure lessons and write lesson plans; how to adapt when things don’t go exactly as planned; and, through my placements, how to carry it all out in practice. With the emphasis on child-centred learning that has emerged from the new National Curriculum, my degree training gives me a distinct advantage because I am already accustomed to focusing my teaching in ways that are most relevant to my students.
For the past year, I have been working as a TA and LSA in inner-London state schools. Working through an agency has given me the opportunity to gain experience with a variety of schools, age groups, and learning needs, as well as the chance to observe a variety of teachers. Through this process, I have proven my ability to adapt and think on my feet, as each new setting has inevitably presented different responsibilities and challenges. I have also proven my ability to work effectively with children, parents, and other teachers and TAs.
Of all the schools I’ve worked in, one of my favourites was a long-term placement supporting a Year 2 student with Global Delay. In addition to supporting her and other students in the classroom, I also had free rein over planning our daily literacy, numeracy, and physical development sessions outside the classroom. I really enjoyed having the chance to discover and develop methods that worked with her abilities, interests, and personality. In the three months we worked together, she went from making random scribbles on a page to correctly spelling CVC words and independently writing recognisable symbols on the lines. She also dramatically improved her counting ability and began to demonstrate understanding of simple addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. This, along with my other TA experiences, has given me great confidence in my ability to innovate, motivate, and effectively use strategies that are accessible and meaningful to my students.
Being a TA is not always easy, but despite the low pay and the occasionally stressful conditions, I have stuck with it because I love it and I gain something from every challenge I overcome. For example, I am still working on the delicate balance between being a firm authority figure whilst remaining approachable, but my observations of other teachers--as well as resources such as Teachers TV and TES--have been very useful and I am making good progress in this area.
In addition to working as a TA, I have taught dance, drama, and musical theatre to children, have trained as a child yoga instructor, and have recently joined Kids Company as a volunteer. I seek out new learning experiences whenever I can—for example, I am registered for several seminars at this year’s Special Needs London convention. My ICT, teamwork, and organisational skills have additionally been enhanced by years of working in administrative and human resources roles.
I’ve never felt happier than when I am teaching and know this is a role I was born to fill. Despite my affinity and aptitude for education, I still have much to learn and I look forward to the intensive training afforded by a PGCE programme.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Things you'll already know if you follow me on Facebook...
I finally have work! Well, sort of. I'm working half days in a Nursery (3 year olds) until next Friday (though I wound up staying a full day yesterday). It's a really lovely school and the staff have been extremely friendly to me (quite unusual!) and the kids are actually well-behaved (even more unusual!).
I remember last year when I was doing supply, I always felt as though I was fumbling through the day. Every school/teacher was different and I never knew exactly what was expected of me, much less where to find things or what the kids' individual needs were. But I guess a year of experience has done me some good, because I haven't felt that way at all this time. It was actually shocking to me, how confident I felt. And the other teachers seem to have noticed it too, because they made it abundantly clear they wanted me to apply for their permanent position. Of course, the application deadline was yesterday and I didn't find this out until after lunch, so I had to stay after school and write as quickly as I could in the half hour between the end of school and the deadline. (It meant missing capoeira too, grrr!)
There are a few cons to taking this job (the long, boring bus ride and the lack of challenge being two) and I don't even know whether I'll get it... but it feels really good to be appreciated and to have it confirmed that I can do this work. Sometimes I doubt myself. Being an agency employee in London can be pretty rough. Often the permanent staff will treat you like you're disposable and not a real human being.
It's also grad school application season. I'm applying for PGCE (Post Graduate Certificate in Education) programmes at both the Institute of Education and Roehampton University, but I also found a sweet MA in Special and Inclusive Education programme (about as ideal as it gets, seeing as I want to conduct my research on how children with Autism respond to creative education) at Roehampton that doesn't necessarily require me to get my PGCE first, so I'm applying for that too. The only way I'll be able to afford school is to go part-time, so heading straight into my MA would cut 2 years off my completion time. But it might also limit my career options when I'm finished. I'm not sure which option is better.
Other things:
- I'm continuing to stay busy and meet new people. I'm having a blast, but I'm also exhausted now that I'm back at work (I'd forgotten how tiring teaching can be).
- I'm in the process of becoming a Mentor for Kids Company. I can't even tell you how excited I am about that.
- I'm now in charge of planning workshops for Blues Revolution (which I have finally officially joined), and I have two coming up... a brand new one that I'll be teaching in October and our usual Beginner Intensive that my lovely friend Kavita will be teaching in November. Carter will of course be teaching both, because he's awesome like that.
- I have used parentheses excessively in this entry, and I will not apologise for it.
I remember last year when I was doing supply, I always felt as though I was fumbling through the day. Every school/teacher was different and I never knew exactly what was expected of me, much less where to find things or what the kids' individual needs were. But I guess a year of experience has done me some good, because I haven't felt that way at all this time. It was actually shocking to me, how confident I felt. And the other teachers seem to have noticed it too, because they made it abundantly clear they wanted me to apply for their permanent position. Of course, the application deadline was yesterday and I didn't find this out until after lunch, so I had to stay after school and write as quickly as I could in the half hour between the end of school and the deadline. (It meant missing capoeira too, grrr!)
There are a few cons to taking this job (the long, boring bus ride and the lack of challenge being two) and I don't even know whether I'll get it... but it feels really good to be appreciated and to have it confirmed that I can do this work. Sometimes I doubt myself. Being an agency employee in London can be pretty rough. Often the permanent staff will treat you like you're disposable and not a real human being.
It's also grad school application season. I'm applying for PGCE (Post Graduate Certificate in Education) programmes at both the Institute of Education and Roehampton University, but I also found a sweet MA in Special and Inclusive Education programme (about as ideal as it gets, seeing as I want to conduct my research on how children with Autism respond to creative education) at Roehampton that doesn't necessarily require me to get my PGCE first, so I'm applying for that too. The only way I'll be able to afford school is to go part-time, so heading straight into my MA would cut 2 years off my completion time. But it might also limit my career options when I'm finished. I'm not sure which option is better.
Other things:
- I'm continuing to stay busy and meet new people. I'm having a blast, but I'm also exhausted now that I'm back at work (I'd forgotten how tiring teaching can be).
- I'm in the process of becoming a Mentor for Kids Company. I can't even tell you how excited I am about that.
- I'm now in charge of planning workshops for Blues Revolution (which I have finally officially joined), and I have two coming up... a brand new one that I'll be teaching in October and our usual Beginner Intensive that my lovely friend Kavita will be teaching in November. Carter will of course be teaching both, because he's awesome like that.
- I have used parentheses excessively in this entry, and I will not apologise for it.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Chasing the blues away
I'm cheating here, because it's past midnight and therefore no longer September 8th... but since I haven't gone to bed yet, I feel entitled to say that I moved to London precisely one year ago. A lot has happened and changed in that time, but one thing is the same as this time last year: the stress of not having a job.
Finding work at the beginning of the school year is a challenge. Schools are still sorting out what they need in terms of long-term positions and daily supply roles are few. I have hope that because I have more experience now, I'll have an easier time landing something long-term. But in the meantime, it is rather stressful. Add to that a few other personal issues, including the fact that I have outgrown my shoebox of a room, and you get a Bryn who is not sleeping properly, not eating properly, experiencing headaches and physical tension, and suffering from miniature panic attacks. Not fun.
I'm doing my best to counteract this by getting out, meeting people, and doing things. Last night, for example, I went out to two dance venues (one WCS, one lindy hop). Had a great time and felt significantly better afterward. Fantastic, so long as I don't think about the money I spent.
My friend Desirée has been great about getting me out, too. I've already met two of her friends (both really interesting people) on two separate occasions this week. On Sunday, we tried to go to a free outdoor theatre thing on the south bank, but it turned out to be children's theatre... and pretty weird children's theatre, at that.
I think they were singing a Lady Gaga song at this point. Anyway, we didn't last long and hightailed it to a pub, where we got to make fun of the terrible trumpet player. Perhaps I should pursue a performance career here if it's that easy to get gigs.
Also on my radar is capoeira. I've been meaning to get back into it for ages but have been kind of afraid. My capoeira sessions at Carleton University were really intense. I was in good shape at the time and still had difficulty walking for days afterward. In any case, I've decided I'm finally going to lay my fears to rest and return to capoeira tomorrow. I'm quite excited, but once again, I will have to ignore the money being spent. Though it is not much, it adds up quickly when you have a budget of roughly £0 (or actually, negative hundreds of pounds).
But you see, last year, I let my lack of disposable income stand in the way of me doing fun active things. Contrary to most people's experiences, I actually put on a whole bunch of weight after moving to Europe. Not to mention the general feeling of malaise that goes along with dropping your activity level. No. I will not let it happen again, no matter the costs.
Of course, being active doesn't always have to cost money. I'm also doing the two hundred sit-ups challenge. I naturally have pretty good core strength and the programme isn't actually that difficult for me, but it is useful for making me do regular core workouts. I just finished 184 crunches and it feels good. I will eventually do the 100 push-ups programme too... but that one intimidates me. I cannot do push-ups. At all. Hopefully a few weeks of capoeira will help prime my upper body strength, though, and make it more manageable.
As for more free things that get me doing stuff, this coming weekend is The Thames Festival (one of the big highlights of last year for me). It's totally awesome and doesn't cost a thing! So far nobody has expressed any interest in joining me, so if you're out there and interested, please let me know! Festivals are always much better with company. Here's last year's blog post about it and here are some more pictures (mainly from the fire garden, as it was my favourite part).
South Bank
Free running/parkour
Fire garden
Now that I have a better camera and I'm working on my photography skills (more on that soon), I'm hoping this year's photos will be even better!
Finding work at the beginning of the school year is a challenge. Schools are still sorting out what they need in terms of long-term positions and daily supply roles are few. I have hope that because I have more experience now, I'll have an easier time landing something long-term. But in the meantime, it is rather stressful. Add to that a few other personal issues, including the fact that I have outgrown my shoebox of a room, and you get a Bryn who is not sleeping properly, not eating properly, experiencing headaches and physical tension, and suffering from miniature panic attacks. Not fun.
I'm doing my best to counteract this by getting out, meeting people, and doing things. Last night, for example, I went out to two dance venues (one WCS, one lindy hop). Had a great time and felt significantly better afterward. Fantastic, so long as I don't think about the money I spent.
My friend Desirée has been great about getting me out, too. I've already met two of her friends (both really interesting people) on two separate occasions this week. On Sunday, we tried to go to a free outdoor theatre thing on the south bank, but it turned out to be children's theatre... and pretty weird children's theatre, at that.
I think they were singing a Lady Gaga song at this point. Anyway, we didn't last long and hightailed it to a pub, where we got to make fun of the terrible trumpet player. Perhaps I should pursue a performance career here if it's that easy to get gigs.
Also on my radar is capoeira. I've been meaning to get back into it for ages but have been kind of afraid. My capoeira sessions at Carleton University were really intense. I was in good shape at the time and still had difficulty walking for days afterward. In any case, I've decided I'm finally going to lay my fears to rest and return to capoeira tomorrow. I'm quite excited, but once again, I will have to ignore the money being spent. Though it is not much, it adds up quickly when you have a budget of roughly £0 (or actually, negative hundreds of pounds).
But you see, last year, I let my lack of disposable income stand in the way of me doing fun active things. Contrary to most people's experiences, I actually put on a whole bunch of weight after moving to Europe. Not to mention the general feeling of malaise that goes along with dropping your activity level. No. I will not let it happen again, no matter the costs.
Of course, being active doesn't always have to cost money. I'm also doing the two hundred sit-ups challenge. I naturally have pretty good core strength and the programme isn't actually that difficult for me, but it is useful for making me do regular core workouts. I just finished 184 crunches and it feels good. I will eventually do the 100 push-ups programme too... but that one intimidates me. I cannot do push-ups. At all. Hopefully a few weeks of capoeira will help prime my upper body strength, though, and make it more manageable.
As for more free things that get me doing stuff, this coming weekend is The Thames Festival (one of the big highlights of last year for me). It's totally awesome and doesn't cost a thing! So far nobody has expressed any interest in joining me, so if you're out there and interested, please let me know! Festivals are always much better with company. Here's last year's blog post about it and here are some more pictures (mainly from the fire garden, as it was my favourite part).
Now that I have a better camera and I'm working on my photography skills (more on that soon), I'm hoping this year's photos will be even better!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Whirlwind tour
Two days ago was the one year anniversary of this blog, and I had meant to write my 100th post that day... but I got caught up in the craziness that was Summer Hummer -- a major West Coast Swing event outside of Boston. More on that later.
My last couple of weeks in Ottawa were fun and busy. Plenty of teaching and socialising and side gigging ensued. But now that I'm looking back on it, even though it's only been a few days since I left, it feels so long ago.
Fresher in my mind is the trip down to Boston. Imagine the look of shock on the customs officer's face when he realised a stuffed animal was driving our car.
Ok, maybe not. He did ask us if we knew anything about the terrorists in Ottawa, except he worded it as: "What's happening in Ottawa?" Um... well there's the parliament, which seems to be perpetually on vacation. There are some shopping malls and museums and bike paths. Oh, there's swing dancing! You should go there and check it out. But no, we don't know anything about the terrorists.
Summer Hummer was fun. Relaxing, as far as dance weekends go, since it was workshop and pool party and competition intensive and I only really danced around 3 hours a day. Sunday was the best part of the weekend. I ate real food (trust me, this was a big deal), took an awesome private lesson from my favourite WCS follow (Melissa Rutz), and danced my face off at the after party.
Monday, I spent countless hours in airports and on airplanes. Tuesday morning, I arrived home, took care of a couple important business matters (bank and grocery store), and promptly fell asleep. I slept for 14 hours, woke up for 6, and then slept for 6 more. I now have a killer headache. But I'm home! And now the challenge of finding work begins.
My last couple of weeks in Ottawa were fun and busy. Plenty of teaching and socialising and side gigging ensued. But now that I'm looking back on it, even though it's only been a few days since I left, it feels so long ago.
Fresher in my mind is the trip down to Boston. Imagine the look of shock on the customs officer's face when he realised a stuffed animal was driving our car.
Ok, maybe not. He did ask us if we knew anything about the terrorists in Ottawa, except he worded it as: "What's happening in Ottawa?" Um... well there's the parliament, which seems to be perpetually on vacation. There are some shopping malls and museums and bike paths. Oh, there's swing dancing! You should go there and check it out. But no, we don't know anything about the terrorists.
Summer Hummer was fun. Relaxing, as far as dance weekends go, since it was workshop and pool party and competition intensive and I only really danced around 3 hours a day. Sunday was the best part of the weekend. I ate real food (trust me, this was a big deal), took an awesome private lesson from my favourite WCS follow (Melissa Rutz), and danced my face off at the after party.
Monday, I spent countless hours in airports and on airplanes. Tuesday morning, I arrived home, took care of a couple important business matters (bank and grocery store), and promptly fell asleep. I slept for 14 hours, woke up for 6, and then slept for 6 more. I now have a killer headache. But I'm home! And now the challenge of finding work begins.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Couch surfing!
I've been hearing about CouchSurfing for years, but I haven't been brave enough to try it... until now. I finally have an account and I'm hoping to give it a shot (with a friend) in Italy this October. If you're on the site, please add me as a friend -- my username is Brynzapoppin. Maybe even write me a recommendation if you feel so apt! :)
I'm hoping this will be a great way to save money, meet people, and become better acquainted with the places I travel to.
I'm hoping this will be a great way to save money, meet people, and become better acquainted with the places I travel to.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Travel plans 2010-2011
This past year (September 2009 to present), I visited 5 countries I'd never been to before: Iceland, Wales (yes, I'm treating all the nations in the UK as separate countries), Spain, Sweden, and India. This coming year, I want to visit at least 10 more.
My plans are certainly subject to change, but I thought I'd start loosely plotting now... mostly because it's fun and exciting to think about it. I'm looking for travel buddies! If you'd like to come along, meet me somewhere, or invite me along on your adventures, please do. My travel dates are pretty much tied to the UK school schedule, though.
Late October: Italy (Genoa for Be-Lindy Zena Camp, Cinque Terre, Rome, Naples)
Early December: Ireland (quick getaway in Galway for The Crave)
New Years: Sweden (Stockholm for Snowball)
Late February: Tour through the Netherlands (Amsterdam), Germany (Berlin, Dresden, Frankfurt), and Czech Republic (Prague)
Mid April: Portugal for surf camp? Tour of Southern France? Who knows...
Late May/Early June: Greece (some island somewhere)
Late July/August: Africa (Ghana + possibly others)
That brings me to at least 7 or 8 new countries right there (since I've already been to Sweden and France). Somehow, I also want to sneak in trips to Belgium (Bruges!), Scotland (Edinburgh!), and other parts of England (Cornwall!). I'm also looking for a way (if I can afford it) to rack up 4000 more Aeroplan/Star Alliance points before the end of 2010. I want my Elite status, baby!
I'm also happy to go wherever you want me to teach, of course. And next time, I'll even build in at least a day for sight seeing. It feels like cheating to claim I've been to Sweden -- I never got to see anything!
Ahhhh another exciting year is about to start. I've experienced and grown so much over this past year, and I can't wait to see what lies ahead.
My plans are certainly subject to change, but I thought I'd start loosely plotting now... mostly because it's fun and exciting to think about it. I'm looking for travel buddies! If you'd like to come along, meet me somewhere, or invite me along on your adventures, please do. My travel dates are pretty much tied to the UK school schedule, though.
Late October: Italy (Genoa for Be-Lindy Zena Camp, Cinque Terre, Rome, Naples)
Early December: Ireland (quick getaway in Galway for The Crave)
New Years: Sweden (Stockholm for Snowball)
Late February: Tour through the Netherlands (Amsterdam), Germany (Berlin, Dresden, Frankfurt), and Czech Republic (Prague)
Mid April: Portugal for surf camp? Tour of Southern France? Who knows...
Late May/Early June: Greece (some island somewhere)
Late July/August: Africa (Ghana + possibly others)
That brings me to at least 7 or 8 new countries right there (since I've already been to Sweden and France). Somehow, I also want to sneak in trips to Belgium (Bruges!), Scotland (Edinburgh!), and other parts of England (Cornwall!). I'm also looking for a way (if I can afford it) to rack up 4000 more Aeroplan/Star Alliance points before the end of 2010. I want my Elite status, baby!
I'm also happy to go wherever you want me to teach, of course. And next time, I'll even build in at least a day for sight seeing. It feels like cheating to claim I've been to Sweden -- I never got to see anything!
Ahhhh another exciting year is about to start. I've experienced and grown so much over this past year, and I can't wait to see what lies ahead.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Feels so great to be Dancy McDancerson again!
To me, there's nothing better than the overwhelming stinging sensation in the days following a good workout. It reminds me that I'm alive and that I'm getting stronger, and has the added bonus of giving me an excuse to complain. 'Cause we all love to complain, don't we?
I've been fortunate to have been welcomed back with open arms into the swing dance family I left behind when I moved to London. For a multitude of reasons, I don't get to dance a lot in my new home, so getting the opportunity to social dance, teach, and take part in team practices a few times a week has been a real treat. Not to mention the social benefits!
Yesterday was particularly great. I woke up feeling tired and lazy after the social dance the night before, but was able to remind myself how much I love exercising and how soon I won't have this opportunity anymore, so I dragged myself to the All Teams practice (Swing Dynamite runs a number of performance teams, and every once in a while, they like to bring them all together).
Now let me start by saying that I'm nowhere close to the shape I used to be in when I took part in these practices regularly. The warm-ups are intense, designed not only to warm people up, but to increase their physical fitness so they can do cool stuff more easily. So during the few times I've taken part since I got here, I've visibly struggled a lot more than everyone else in the room. But what does that make me want to do? Do them even more until I'm able to keep up again!
After the warm-up, we worked on the very first team routine we ever did--Shout and Feel It.
I think it's awesome that 4 years and many generations of team members later, we all still have this routine in common.
After practice, we all headed out the 4th Annual Swing Dynamite BBQ, which is always a great time. It was pouring rain so we didn't get to do any of this...
(All photos taken at last year's BBQ)
... But it did give me a chance to hang out with old friends and get to know many of the new faces who've become a part of the family since last year.
Tonight, I'm heading to Bar 56 to listen (and hopefully dance a bit) to Renée Yoxon's incredible voice, and possibly try to sneak in on another team warm-up beforehand. If you're in Ottawa, I hope you'll join me. And also (shameless plug) please join me at these classes that I'll be teaching:
- Social Lindy Hop Moves & Technique: 3 week series, starting Tuesday, August 10th, 7:00-8:30 pm
- Intro to Blues: Free drop-in lesson prior to the dance at Bar 56, Monday, August 16th, 9:15 pm
- The Art of the Diva Drop-in Series: 2 weeks (come to one or both), starting Wednesday, August 18th, 7:00-8:00 pm -- ladies only for the first class, gentlemen welcome to join for free for the second class
- Charleston Drop-in: 1 class only, Thursday, August 19th, 6:30-7:30 pm
- Blues Dancing Drop-in Series: 2 weeks (come to one or both), starting Thursday, August 19th, 7:30-8:30 pm
For more info, see the Swing Dynamite website.
I've been fortunate to have been welcomed back with open arms into the swing dance family I left behind when I moved to London. For a multitude of reasons, I don't get to dance a lot in my new home, so getting the opportunity to social dance, teach, and take part in team practices a few times a week has been a real treat. Not to mention the social benefits!
Yesterday was particularly great. I woke up feeling tired and lazy after the social dance the night before, but was able to remind myself how much I love exercising and how soon I won't have this opportunity anymore, so I dragged myself to the All Teams practice (Swing Dynamite runs a number of performance teams, and every once in a while, they like to bring them all together).
Now let me start by saying that I'm nowhere close to the shape I used to be in when I took part in these practices regularly. The warm-ups are intense, designed not only to warm people up, but to increase their physical fitness so they can do cool stuff more easily. So during the few times I've taken part since I got here, I've visibly struggled a lot more than everyone else in the room. But what does that make me want to do? Do them even more until I'm able to keep up again!
After the warm-up, we worked on the very first team routine we ever did--Shout and Feel It.
I think it's awesome that 4 years and many generations of team members later, we all still have this routine in common.
After practice, we all headed out the 4th Annual Swing Dynamite BBQ, which is always a great time. It was pouring rain so we didn't get to do any of this...
(All photos taken at last year's BBQ)
... But it did give me a chance to hang out with old friends and get to know many of the new faces who've become a part of the family since last year.
Tonight, I'm heading to Bar 56 to listen (and hopefully dance a bit) to Renée Yoxon's incredible voice, and possibly try to sneak in on another team warm-up beforehand. If you're in Ottawa, I hope you'll join me. And also (shameless plug) please join me at these classes that I'll be teaching:
- Social Lindy Hop Moves & Technique: 3 week series, starting Tuesday, August 10th, 7:00-8:30 pm
- Intro to Blues: Free drop-in lesson prior to the dance at Bar 56, Monday, August 16th, 9:15 pm
- The Art of the Diva Drop-in Series: 2 weeks (come to one or both), starting Wednesday, August 18th, 7:00-8:00 pm -- ladies only for the first class, gentlemen welcome to join for free for the second class
- Charleston Drop-in: 1 class only, Thursday, August 19th, 6:30-7:30 pm
- Blues Dancing Drop-in Series: 2 weeks (come to one or both), starting Thursday, August 19th, 7:30-8:30 pm
For more info, see the Swing Dynamite website.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Dancer, Singer, Actor... Novelist?
I am always so much more productive in coffee shops. Sometimes more than I intend or expect. So yesterday, I sat down in Timothy's to jot down some ideas for a play I wanted to write and, instead, wound up with the first chapter of a novel. One that I think I'd really like to keep working on. Here's what I have so far...
Still needs work, but I'm pretty excited to find out where it's going.
Vanessa traced her eyes up the grey-white wall in front of her. There was a crack running along the baseboard that she’d never noticed before, and a few scattered patches where her photographs had once hung. There'd been a photo of her and her childhood friend Emily jumping through the sprinkler, their knees scraped and their faces painted with innocence. Another of Mouse, her yellow tabby cat, curled up on the tattered blue window seat. Then Logan, her first boyfriend (and continued love of her life), his hazel eyes shining and lips curling just so. Logan was like the Mona Lisa; people were always left wondering what was going on behind his smile (she'd never forget the day she found out it was his way of concealing and celebrating his lies). There had been a few horse race ribbons on the wall, too; purple, orange, and white, each one a symbolic way of saying “better luck next time.” A yellow and black Nirvana poster with a funny smiley face had hung over her poster bed, the corners ripped and frayed from having been moved so many times. But now, the wall was completely bare. And there she was in a crumpled heap on the brown shag carpet.
Had it been seconds, years, or a lifetime ago that she’d spoken to the man in the tweed suit, standing right there in front of her with his left hand casually propped up on the dresser? She couldn’t remember. It was the first time she’d met him. He’d brought along with him the faint aroma of cigars, which she’d found preferable to the usual scent of dust and rotting apple cores, and he’d told her his name was Eddie. His voice had been deep and soothing, like Papa’s, and there was something familiar about the creases around his eyes. She’d known right away that she could trust him.
“Ness,” he’d said, his face softening, “I know you’re feeling really alone and like nobody cares about you, but I do. I’m here for you.”
That was it—the end of her memory. She didn’t know if she’d thanked him or if he’d said anything else. She couldn’t remember how he’d entered the room, or how or when he’d left. She didn’t even know anything about him; who he was or how he’d known that at that moment, those were exactly the words she’d needed to hear.
“Nessa!” The shrieking voice wafted in through the open doorway and interrupted her thoughts. How had the man known to drop the ‘a’ in her nickname when her own mother couldn’t remember? “Nessaaaaaaaaaa! You forgot to clean up your dishes!”
No one in her house ate together anymore. Since Papa had died two years ago, her mother and sister had had to get jobs to pay the rent, and claimed to be too tired at the end of the day to bother with cooking family meals. Vanessa, although more than old enough to work, was under strict doctor’s orders not to. She used it as an excuse to get out of household chores, too.
“Sorry, Ma! I’m not feeling too well. Could you do them? Please?”
An aggravated sigh, followed by the sound of running water, emanated from the kitchen. Vanessa smiled to herself. “Works every time.”
Eddie. She found herself rolling the name around in her mind, wondering whether it was short for something—maybe Edward or Edmond or Edgar—but then quickly decided she didn’t care. She’d liked that he’d called her Ness. Eddie was the only name that mattered.
Still needs work, but I'm pretty excited to find out where it's going.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Standing too close to reality
Today is one of those days when the realities of life and death have come out screaming in my face. They are standing so close and shouting so loud that I can barely process it all. I don't know how to feel, so I feel... shock.
Last night, for the first time in my adult life, a friend passed away. He died in his sleep, presumably without warning. I am half comforted and half scared by that fact. He was 31 years old.
My heart goes out to his wife and two daughters, whom he loved with all his heart and who loved him with all of theirs. They were a beautiful family. The type you look up to, hoping to have the same one day.
RIP Keith Shapiro. You gave us all so much.
Last night, for the first time in my adult life, a friend passed away. He died in his sleep, presumably without warning. I am half comforted and half scared by that fact. He was 31 years old.
My heart goes out to his wife and two daughters, whom he loved with all his heart and who loved him with all of theirs. They were a beautiful family. The type you look up to, hoping to have the same one day.
RIP Keith Shapiro. You gave us all so much.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
"Home"
I'm back. Two glorious weeks in the bubble that is Long Bay Camp... a world without internet, money, or other modern distractions. Just nature, people, and art. Lots of art. I did so much art, I was bursting at my creative seams.
It's nice to be back in the real world among friends, dancing, proper beds, and social media, but I have to be honest... I miss London a lot. In a way I just couldn't while I was at camp.
Ottawa is a sort of middle ground; not a megacity, not the middle of nowhere. I think that's what I've always liked about it, but now it feels like it's not enough of one either one. I want either a dock on a lake or a thriving metropolis. Not this tame, manicured, small-yet-clumsily-travelled-without-car, quiet little city (in the country of expensive food!). I used to believe (not very long ago) that Ottawa would always be my home, no matter where in the world I lived. How quickly that has changed. It's a tough realisation.
Ottawa does still hold two big pieces of my heart, though: dancing and friends. I plan to take advantage of both, as much as possible, so long as I am here. And make a bigger effort to introduce more of both in my daily life when I get home.
I leave you with some of my memories from camp...
Two of my favourite campers.
A captured moment.
One of my best friends visits me.
Day trip to Westport.
Multicoloured fire.
Synchronized jumping competition.
The staff team's genius plan to lose until the last second in the swimming race.
Synchronized swimming.
On set for our musical, The Venus Fly Trap.
More Venus Fly Trap.
A promo shot.
Dance party in the barn.
Panorama shot outside the barn (how I love my new camera).
And with that... So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.
It's nice to be back in the real world among friends, dancing, proper beds, and social media, but I have to be honest... I miss London a lot. In a way I just couldn't while I was at camp.
Ottawa is a sort of middle ground; not a megacity, not the middle of nowhere. I think that's what I've always liked about it, but now it feels like it's not enough of one either one. I want either a dock on a lake or a thriving metropolis. Not this tame, manicured, small-yet-clumsily-travelled-without-car, quiet little city (in the country of expensive food!). I used to believe (not very long ago) that Ottawa would always be my home, no matter where in the world I lived. How quickly that has changed. It's a tough realisation.
Ottawa does still hold two big pieces of my heart, though: dancing and friends. I plan to take advantage of both, as much as possible, so long as I am here. And make a bigger effort to introduce more of both in my daily life when I get home.
I leave you with some of my memories from camp...
And with that... So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.
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