I'd been rather active as a young child (I danced, played soccer, and did synchronized swimming), but at some point, it all stopped. I began loathing exercise and doing everything in my power to avoid doing it.
I went from this...
To this...
I won't go into all the painful details, but suffice it to say that body image is something I've struggled with a lot.
And it only got worse when I got to university. We've all heard of the Freshman 15... well, for me it was the Freshman 50. I was so freaked out by the number on the scale when I finally stepped on one in the middle of my 2nd year, I made the most important new year's resolution of my life right then and there: I was going to take up exercise.
And I wasn't kidding! For the next year and a half, I worked out nearly every single day. It got to the point where I was regularly spending 2.5 hours at a time sweating it out in the gym. I lost 70 lbs. I was in the best condition of my life. And more importantly, I was enjoying it. Exercise felt really good.
There are some more painful details that I'll skip over, but my relationship with exercise has been on again/off again ever since. There was a brief period a couple of years ago when I decided to devote 100% of my energy to fitness and nutrition (and I really mean 100% -- I was doing it in lieu of having a job) and I got back pretty much to where I'd been a few years before. But eventually, I had to start work again and it all began to slide away. My only saving grace was my night job as a dancer.
Enter Europe. Most people lose weight when they come to Europe. After all, this is the land of healthier food and more active lifestyles. But for me, hoofing it a couple of miles and trudging up the Underground steps as part of my daily commute weren't boosting my activity levels at all. Because of money, distance, and timing, I'd basically given up the one consistent factor keeping me happy and healthy for the previous 6 years. I went from dancing 5-7 days a week to dancing once every couple of months. I gained 30 lbs... and lost a lot of my will to do anything.
Now, I don't earn a lot of money as a TA and gym memberships in London aren't cheap. I eventually sucked it up and started dishing out £50/month for the Central YMCA, but had such a horrible experience that I demanded to be let out of my contract shortly thereafter. I danced a lot when I returned to Canada this summer, but that was destined to be short-lived. The decision I made in September to start treating myself better did result in a few dropped pounds, but something else still had to be done. Thankfully, when I moved to my new house in Camberwell, the answer came: Peckham Pulse is conveniently located right along my daily route and, thanks to the school where I'm working, I got a pretty decent rate.
I had my first workout there today. The people were friendly and the machines were pretty sweet (I can play movies from my iPod or USB stick on my personal cardio screen!), but the best part of all was how I felt when I finished: alive.
I'm not making any resolutions this year, but I am recommitting to this 9 year old relationship. Just like any relationship, it takes work to keep it going... and that work has to be done for the right reasons. The reason I first entered into it isn't the right one for me anymore. Of course I'd like to lose weight and look good and fit into my old clothes again, but that's not enough. Over the years, I've discovered something much more important. Exercise feels good. It makes me want to take life by the reins. It makes me want to climb mountains and shout out from the peaks how very happy I am to be alive.
And it's for that reason I'm going back to the gym at 11 tomorrow morning.
